maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
