you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Of course I have a pirate flag
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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