Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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