I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
