so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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