I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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