My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
