Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
