Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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