just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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