So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
