I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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