I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
