No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
