he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think I just sharted jello shots
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