i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
