You're so nebulous sometimes
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
