as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
