I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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