Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
