and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I deserve this hangover.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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