Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
