You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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