Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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