happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
