the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
They have beer where we have blood.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
