I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
