onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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