If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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