he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
