my mouth tastes like poor choices
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
