think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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