well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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