from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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