I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
