so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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