that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He has the fingertips of a God
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