He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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