Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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