I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
