Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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