I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
