New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
