R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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