she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
