i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
