I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
