I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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