jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
