when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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