NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
