Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
