I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize
