Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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