next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
